Hello Irony, Welcome To My Life

Irony: an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
Karma: action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation

Ladies and gentlemen let me tell you the two principles that continually come back into my life.

Two philosophies I just can't seem to shake.

And let me tell you, when either of these are not on your side, it pretty much sucks.

Sorry rooms, this isn't going to be the most clever and witty entry. Life is beautiful still, like the title of this blog says however, currently it's not in its brightest of times. Pathetic as it sounds, I do have a weak spot, and yet again it has been triggered. Again, I have been taken for an idiot. Because the one thing that makes me tick, that clinches inside of me, blew up in my face yet again. I really need to start anew, because the sickness I feel within myself at this given moment, is truly overwhelming. The sad part of it all is that I can't even convey what I'm feeling to those around me because I feel so completely embarrassed to do so.

It disgusts me that this happened again. I have been made a fool of, and yet again and the only thought in my head is this endless screaming that just can't seem to stop. I want to not be able to feel anything like I used to. This whole love, and mushy crap, just needs to let me be. Because it truly is overwhelming, and I hate it. It makes me crazy. It makes me hate myself. It makes me hurt. I don't hurt. I am indestructible. And no matter what anybody tells me, I still can not convince myself to fall out of love. And god how badly I just want to fall out of love for this reason:

I cried this week. I cannot tell you the last time I cried. But I did last week. It happens when I feel helpless. Thank God Lo was there with the assist, she is my saving grace as usual. She just listened, and that was what I needed. I needed someone to just listen, really really get in there with good ears listen all the way and make a person feel safe. I know you won't read this but, thank you Lo. Just thank you. I don't think I tell you this enough, but you save me more often than you know.

I just want to know why, what I did, what I said, what expectations that were made that were too much to handle, who said something, to have a change of heart. Can someone, anyone, just be honest with me for once? That would be fantastic to have someone just give me the truth. What do I need to do, to get my happy ending already. Why does it seem like the undeserving get it all, when all I'm asking for is for honesty.

Like I said, apologies for the Debbie downer state of this post. However the intention of this blog was not necessarily to always be entertaining.

Well Buddah, I'm really trying here, some good karma would be quite appreciated.

Irony, can yah just leave me alone? That would be great. Tell Alanis to get a life.

In the meantime, can I just get the truth here people? Any would suffice.

Grazie.

Mel Petes